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November 29, 2007

Children's Security

What do you think makes your child(ren) feel secure? Is it being fed great food everyday, is it getting nice clothes, is it getting the neatest toys, is it having friends? Actually your child’s security is in knowing that you love your spouse. Knowing that Dad and Mom love each other makes a child feel secure. Because having children keeps us busy we often times can forget as a couple to make sure we make time for each other. It can be so easy to make our children, instead of our marriage, the center in our home. Yet what our children want to know is if Dad and Mom love each other. So what can can a couple do? Well, make sure you take time for each other. Try sitting down for a few minutes every day while your children are still awake, just to chat with each other. Now if you have little ones this may prove to be a little challenging. If your children are used to being the center of attention, they may not take to this very kindly at first. But as time goes by, they will come to appreciate that fact that Dad and Mom love each other enough to take time to sit together and enjoy each other’s company. We have heard testimony and seen first hand how this simple practice can even help to cure sleeping problems in children. Parents who have had their children wake up often in the night have said that if they purpose to spend time together every day, in front of their children, that it has cut out the night time problems. Why does this work? Because this is a child’s security, seeing Dad and Mom together. If they are unsure of your relationship they will do anything to make sure that you are ‘okay’. Even to the point of risking being punished if it means that you will work together to solve the problem. You may say, “We do spend time together every night after we put the kids to bed.” This is great, the only problem is, your kids don’t see you doing this. They need to see that Dad and Mom love each other. This can be done throughout the day through other means as well, but like I said before, we often get so busy with our kids, that we forget to spend one on one time together. That is why the tool of purposing to sit down every day for a few minutes can be helpful in demonstrating to our kids that we love each others company. Taking time out for a date with our spouse can also say a lot to your kids. It seems strange, but we have seen in our family how our kids benefit from us going out together just as a couple. Be it only for an hour or two, if our kids see that their Dad and Mom want to be together, it makes them feel secure. We go as far as even telling our kids when they ask if they can come along, “No, Dad and Mom are going alone. This is for your good.” And we are not apologetic about it, because we know this will help them understand how much we love each other. Our older kids will often remind us to go out together. Even for them it helps to know that we are commited to our marriage. So today, show your spouse (and your kids) that your marriage is important to you, spend some time together!

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