To Obey or Not to Obey? Chpt. 23

In this chapter we as wives are encouraged to search the scriptures once again and find scriptures on obeying/submitting to our husbands. Also to know the scriptures so that we know how to respond in certain situations that may come up in our marriage. When we look at Jesus' life He did not live in ease for his own pleasure. He lived and suffered for the glory that was to follow. And as wives our calling is to give glory to God. Jesus often had less than perfect circumstances, was treated unfairly, but still He chose to love:

For even hereunto were ye called: because Christ also suffered for us,

leaving us an example, that ye should follow his steps:

Who did no sin, neither was guile found in his mouth: Who, when he was reviled, reviled not again; when he suffered, he threatened not; but committed himself to him that judgeth righteously.

1 Peter 2:23

In this chapter the point was made that too many times wives are too quick to run away from a marriage that is no fun. On the contrary when a Christian wife does what the world would never do-God is glorified. And that should be our goal, to glorify God.

So as wives God's Word needs to be part of our hearts, that we are so in tune with Him, that when situations arise, we know what God is calling us to do and say.

They also addressed issues where we as wives need to bring in the authorities. But you need to read the chapter if you have the book as I will not go into detail here. There are instances where some wives will need to contact the authorities because of their husbands behaviors.

One verse that I have been meditating on a lot lately, not only for my attitude toward my husband, but my children, and everybody I come in contact with is Galatians 5:22-23. An age old verse that I have heard many times over, but the power of it has really impacted me lately. To be a wife, mother, and woman who has the fruits of the spirit.

But the fruit of the Spirit is

love, joy, peace, longsuffering,

gentleness, goodness, faith,

Meekness, temperance:

against such there is no law.

Galatians 5:22-23

To me this is key, if I can live in the spirit, having the fruits of the spirit, I believe I will bring glory to God in my relationships and my life in general.

So what verse has impacted you in your journey as a godly wife, mother and woman?

Obedient to Their Own Husbands (Chpt. 22)

That they may teach the young women to be sober,

to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed.

1 Peter 2:4-5

This chapter was packed. Obeying your husband, winning him over without a word, dealing with an angry husband, birth control, head covering, remarriage, making an appeal and more....If you want to know all what it said you need to read the chapter because I cannot possibly comment on it all here. So I decided instead to give you some scriptures to meditate on. I also did a bit of a word study on the word obey in 1 Peter 3:5-7 because I was curious of the strong word obey. Some commentaries didn't like that the KJV used the word obey in Titus 2:4-5, instead they used subjection. But most versions use the word obey in 1 Peter 3:5-7. Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear. 1 Peter 3:5-7 Obeyed (5219) (hupakouo from hupó = under + akoúo = physical hearing and apprehension of something with the mind) (Click for study on related word hupakoe) means literally to "hear under" and conveys the meaning of subordinating one’s self to the person or thing heard, hence to obey. The word means to hearken or to give respectful attention and so to obey. This word was used to describe one coming to the door upon hearing a knock, a good picture of obedience. (taken from an online bible concordance) Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing. Ephesians 5:22-24 Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband. Ephesians 5:33 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord. Colossians 3:18

Good (Chapter 21)

A person is what he does.

“A virtuous woman is a crown to her husband; but she that maketh ashamed is as rottenness in his bones.”(Proverbs 12:4) This chapter once again made me think. Made me think of how I spend my time. Do I spend it wisely? It is so easy to waste time doing things that really don’t matter I really like to surf the internet. Read blogs, read recipes, read household hints, design my blog and other things, but I have to be very careful of my time. The minutes fly by and it is so easy to forget about the tasks at hand and ignore my family. Years ago I gave up reading romance novels or fictions (Christian of course) because I found they were a waste of time. It often got frustrated when I was into the book and I had to ‘care for my child’. So I decided to give them up. I didn’t feel what I was reading was wholesome and life giving. And since then my appetite has been for wholesome books, books that teach, challenge and uplift rather than entertain. When we had TV I remember how easy it was to waste my afternoon away by watching the afternoon talk shows. I usually didn’t learn much, mostly just entertainment. For what? Now that we have older children and you see how they spend their time I realize how important it is to be a good example. They are watching and they are learning. When they have their own households some day I don’t want them to be used to being entertained, but rather i want them to be used to spending their time wisely. So we don’t have games that waste time, we gave away all our fiction/romance books and we read only Christian biography or true stories that don’t just please the flesh but give life. I am so saddened today when I see what parents let their kids read. Sometimes I wonder if parents even monitor what their kids read. Just because it is labeled ‘Christian’ does that make it so? I have been appalled when I go into the Christian Book Stores and see some of the literature that is out there for our kids. It looks just like the worlds, just with a Christian title. And the romance books that are out there. What good do they do except ignite passions that should be kept quiet until the time that they find their spouse. So I beg you, be careful of what kind of books you allow into your home. Do they support the morals and beliefs of your family? Because if they don’t, you are giving your kids a double standard. So let’s not just entertain our families for entertainments sake. Maybe you need to go through your family library and seriously consider why you have the reading material you do. Another topic that was discussed was researching and examining why we do what we do. Re: vaccinations, nutrition, schooling, ect. Do we do things the way we do just because that’s the way everyone does it? I have to admit I started out our marriage and parenting this way. Didn’t really even think of some of these issues, just did it the way I always saw things done. But we really need to think through why we do the things we do. Why do we vaccinate? Why do we cook the way we do? Why do we school the way we do? And I could go on and on….another day! Let’s remember to seek God’s way for all areas of our life, even in the way we run our household. I agreed with Debi when she talked about how a woman can help her man and do the yard work and even some minor fixing things around the house. This has never been an issue for me for two reasons: (1)Yard work time is in the busy season of farming. If Mark would have to do the yard work it would be after 10:00 or later each night. Doesn’t work! So I have always done the yard work.

(2) I love to fix things. I love the challenge of fixing things. So I often fix things. Of course there are many things that are way over my head, but if it is small enough, I will tackle it. I have done what Debi said, gotten into a job that is over my head and my hubby has to bail me out. I always feel worse about that because it is usually at a time that is inconvenient for him. So I try to choose my ‘fixins’ wisely  I quote from the book “A Good Woman Is A Prudent Woman A prudent woman is not dumb A prudent woman is not lazy A prudent wife does not waste her time A prudent wife is a learner” When reading Proverbs 31:10-31 I see again what a hard working woman she is. In this world of automatic everything it is sometimes easy to get lazy. So I encourage you to read Proverbs 31 and notice verse 31 and how these years of being a mother, someday you will receive the fruits that you have sown. I want to make sure I sow the right thing. Good fruit will be worth more than any amount of relaxation or entertainment, don’t you think?

Keepers At Home Chpt. 20

"That they may teach the young women to be sober, to love their husbands, to love their children, To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home..." Titus 2:4-5

Why do mother's feel that they have to work outside the home? Is it money, boredom, sanity, ministry, self-worth, investment? My ears perk up when I hear a mom working outside the home. I guess because I want to know her reasoning. This is what I have heard in my listening: (1) We cannot live off of one income, we have too much debt. (2) I need some excitement in my life. It's boring and tedious to be at home day after day. I have to work to keep my sanity. (3) God has given me gifts and I need to use them to minister outside my home. (4) I get no thanks for the things I do at home. The same thing day after day and no one appreciates it. When I go to work I get appreciated, noticed. (5) I went to school for X number of years to get my training/degree. I didn't do that all to stay at home and take care of my kids day after day. Plus I have to pay off my student loans. Here are my thoughts: (1) If you feel you need more income, try living for your 'needs' only. And then pray that God would provide them. A few years ago we listened to a message by Otto Koning "A Widow Who Becomes God's Channel" and we were challenged to live only for our needs. No extas, just the bare minimums. If we needed something, truly needed, we would pray and ask God for it. So one day Joshua came to me and said that he needed some jeans. I told him that he needed to pray and ask God for them. A few days later a neighbor came over and dropped off some clothes for our kids. She said that there were jeans in there that were practically brand new and she couldn't believe how fast her son had grown out of them. When she left we opened the bag and wouldn't you know it, there was not only one, but several pairs of brand new looking jeans just Joshua's size. And one of the pairs of jeans were the exact pair that he had seen in the store and wanted. That was a testimony to us as a family that when you do trust God for your needs, He will provide. But to often I am quick to get things before our kids even know they have a need and in doing so I rob them the joy of seeing God provide their needs. I do believe a mother's job is to clothe her family well and sometimes that means thinking ahead, but at the same time be sensitive to the times God wants to show them His power. So all this to encourage those who think they cannot make it on one income; God knows your needs, and I believe He will honor those who choose to live their lives according to His design. (2) Yes, doing the same thing over and over again can seem like tedious work. But if you have the joy of the Lord as your strength, these mundane things can be life to you. If you focus on the eternal and have a servant's heart these things will not be mundane any more. What better opportunity to serve others as Jesus did than in our own homes! (3) Yes, God has given you gifts and you can use them right in your home. Your family IS your ministry. Every day you are shaping a life for Christ. Every day you are being a witness. When I think of the people my children are going to be a testimony and a witness to when I am faithful to God's calling as a mother, I get excited. How many people have the opportunity to influence a life for Christ 24/7? (4) God sees. He sees your heart. He sees your good works. He sees every cup of water you give.(Matthew 10:42) He sees every dirty diaper you change. He sees every time you wipe up spilled milk. He sees every tear you dry. And some day, if you fulfill your calling well, your children will rise up and call you blessed. and God will say to you, "Well done thy good and faithful servant." (Matthew 25:21) (5) This is an area that we have given a lot of thought for our daughters. How much time and money should they invest in schooling after high school. If God so chooses that they should marry, what pull will there be for them to work out of her home to put her 'traning' to use and to pay off her debts? It is sad to see that so many women have been put in this exact position and don't see any way out. I guess I would say, let's think about this next generation, what is important and what is going to be a hinderance to their calling. And are we doing things just because every one else is? What if your husband doesn't agree with you staying at home with your children. If it is a matter of money, come up with a plan to that would help you to save money. Present it to him in a humble attitude and tell him that you will do as he says and you trust him. If he agrees be diligent in saving money any way you can and that he approves of. Buy used clothes, own only one vehicle, buy used furniture and appliances, don't go on expensive vacations, make your meals from scratch, don't hire people to do odd jobs around your home, instead work on it as a family. And if your husband doesn't agree, pray for God to change his heart and continue to honor him, and be a helpmeet to him. If this is God's will for you He will work it out. And for those stay at home moms who are feeling quite pleased with yourself right now, the second part of the chapter talked to those of us who are at home but are still leaving home through phone, email and chat rooms. I am not a phone talker or a chat room person, but I can spend way too many hours surfing the internet. All good, informative sites but sometimes I end up being idle and not a good mom because of it. There is a balance to these things. And I quote the end of the chapter: " 'Keeping the home is more than staying at home; it is having a heart that is fixed on the home." Happy Day to You!

Chapter 19 Chaste

Titus 2:5 To be discreet, chaste, keepers at home, good, obedient to their own husbands, that the word of God be not blasphemed. Chaste- Pure in all thought, word, and act and to be modest and honorable in all things. This chapter really hits home for me. Maybe because we have 1 teenage son and 3 teenage daughters. Modesty is something that I feel is always having to be evaluated around here. I get frustrated with the clothing that is out there for young ladies. My girls want to look feminine and yet ‘feminine’ by the worlds standards is ‘the lower & the tighter the better’ in both shirts and pants. And bathing suits are another whole different story. Last year a couple of our girls needed swim suits. After searching high and low….we found nothing that was modest. In the young teens size almost everything was a bikini or very low cut (high cut on the legs). So they just ended up wearing a tank top and shorts over their bathing suits to cover what wasn’t covered. And for our son, I feel bad that he can’t even go shopping without seeing ‘ungodly images’ on the magazines at the checkout stand…never mind the images when going to the beach. A while back the girls and I read a book called “Dear Princess” In it there is a chapter about modest & outward beauty. Man looks on the outward appearance but God looks at the heart. (1 Samuel 16:7) Something that they said in the book that has challenged me over and over was…When you look into the mirror instead of asking yourself if you look ‘good’, ask yourself if you are brining glory to God by the way you are dressing. Dress as if you were dressing for Him. As Debi put it “A woman’s clothes, hair, and adornments-not just her mouth-make a loud profession to all who see her that she is modest and godly, or that she is immodest and ungodly. I appreciate the way Debi addressed the whole ‘women dressing in men’s apparel’ issue. Please understand that I am not attacking any one person here. But I do think that this whole dress vs. pants issue can so easily become a ‘law’. As I talked about before, ‘God looks at the heart’. I have seen some girls and women who were against wearing pants and only wore dresses whose ‘heart appearance’ was nothing to be desired. It doesn’t matter to me if people choose to dress different than I do, but it does matter to me if it becomes law above real heart issues. We do wear pants in our home. A few years ago as I was reading and meditating on Deut. 2:5 I approached my husband and asked him if this meant that I should start wearing dresses. We came up to the same conclusion as was mentioned in this chapter, this verse is referring to cross dressing to look like the opposite gender. In reading scriptures and seeing how men and woman both wore robes and men wore skirts, the whole ‘wearing pants is dressing like a man’ thing didn’t make sense to us. In fact my husband would prefer me not to wear a dress. He likes me as his ‘farm girl’ and so he prefers me in jeans and a sweat shirt. So I have barely any dresses in my closet. And you know what, I don’t feel guilty about it! So ask your husband as the leader of your home what he would like. All this to say, ‘Don’t judge a book by it’s cover’. Just because someone does or doesn’t wear a skirt does not indictate her walk with God. So when you see someone who wears pants while you only wear dresses or visa versa, don’t get this ‘more righteous than thou’ attitude. Get to know that person, get to know their heart and then make your conclusions. I have to say I found the story of Bob a little to the extreme. I don’t think this would happen to the average ‘Bob’. I do believe though that we as ladies have to think seriously about the way we dress and that we can very easily be an unknowing participant in visual adultery. My daughters and I routinely check with my husband to ask if a certain thing we are wearing is ‘modest’. Why, because he is a man, and something that we may think nothing of, he may see differently. So all this to say: fashion is not the most important thing. Dressing to the glory of God is. So next time you get dressed look in the mirror and ask yourself this question, “Does what I am wearing bring glory to God? Would my Heavenly Father be pleased with me?” And please teach this to your daughters. Start when they are young. Even a baby can be modest. Why would you want to back track. Remember that your daughters happiness is not more important than her holiness. When I was a teenager and my dad stepped in and gave his opinion on my clothing I wasn't too impressed at the time. But now I look back and realize that was one of the most loving things my dad could have done for me. In like manner also, that women adorn themselves in modest apparel, with shamefacedness and sobriety; not with braided hair or gold, or pearls, or costly array; but (which becometh women professing godliness) with good works. 1 Timothy 2:9-10

To Be Discreet (Chpt. 18)

“As a jewel in a swine’s mouth, so is a woman without discretion.” Proverbs 11:22 SEEK TO BE COURTEOUS I like the story of the Red Truck. How this man borrowed a piece of junk but he returned it in much better shape, fixing the floor, made it run better and even filled it with gas. We live in a society that tells us to get all you can, even if it means bowling someone over in the process. This made me think of how many times in life I just want things to go good my way and I forget about the other person. I want to seek to be courteous in my dealings and socializing with others. I don't want to be seen as a user of other people. SEEK TO BE HONEST In our parenting class we discussed how as parents we need to be honesty. If we aren’t honest how can we expect our children to be. Eg. When someone calls that I don’t want to talk to, telling my family to tell them that I am not home……dishonest. When we go to a place with a salad bar/buffet and instead of paying for our little ones we let them eat off our plate, or bring back desserts for everyone at the table….dishonest. If you get a drink from a drink machine and 2 drinks pop out and instead of returning it you say…”Today I am blessed!”…..dishonest. When you buy something and the cashier gives you back too much change and you smile and keep it……dishonest. Selling something for way more than it is worth….dishonest. I know of people who feel God has blessed them when other people get ripped off. Hmmmm….what’s wrong with that picture? SEEK TO BE GRACIOUS I have much to learn in this area. When Debi said to this lady “The real issue is your heart’s perspective.” I realize that my heart is not right many times and that’s why I struggle with the way that I approach things. So many times the things I say comes out all wrong and this is because of what is in my heart. When there is a conflict is when I realize that there is an issue in my heart. LACK OF JUDGEMENT “Every wise woman builds her house; but the foolish pluck it down with her hands.” Prov. 14:1 Debi mentions how our words can color our husband’s perspective. The questions we sometimes ask our husbands can make him feel like a nit-wit!!! TRAITS OF A GODLY WOMAN -Chaste -Sober -Modest -Shamefacedness -Meek -Quiet Spirit -In subjection -Obedient -Kind -Virtuous -Prudent -Good -Discreet -Keeper at Home School -Gracious There was so much in this chapter, so many character traits to address. So read it, and tell me what you got out of it!

To Love Their Children (Chapter 17)

I remember going through the struggle a few years back of thinking I was not getting enough ‘spiritual me-time’ and I lamented the fact that I could not go to ladies Bible Studies or spend hours at a time reading God’s Word. A friend told me of a lady who would pull her apron over her head when she felt she needed to spend some ‘quiet’ time with God. I came to the point that I realized that as my children were little I didn’t need to have a time set aside during the day to ‘worship God’ I could do it throughout the day, all day long. Singing, memorizing or meditating on a scripture verse, reading a few verses from the Bible. And in mourning over the fact that I could not have regular devotions, I was in a way mourning the fact that I had children that would keep me up all night, or interrupt me during the day. And then I realized that my biggest act of worship is in my daily living. I can have devotions all day long, but if I am not acting out what I study it is all worthless. So if I lock myself in a room and have some ‘spiritual quiet time’ while my kids are running wild and needing discipline, I don’t believe this is worship to God. Worship is obeying His Word in being the best wife and mother that I can be. And this may mean for a time I will not be able to have regular sit down devotion time. But I can spend time with God throughout the day as praying, meditating and worshipping Him. This is a season that God has given me and I intend to worship Him through it, whatever way I can. Mothers have an amazing opportunity daily to be the primary trainers of their children. We are with them day after day, hour after hour and who better knows them than we do? God didn’t give this job to grandparents, friends or babysitters, but he gave it to us, as parents. And most often this job falls in the moms lap because dad is at work all day. What better way to be a help meet to our husbands than to train our little ones to be obedient and live according to God’s standard. I have heard many a wife who will push off the training issues until dad gets home from work and then hand the kids over to him (all frazzled I might add) for their daily discipline issues. Issues that could have been dealt with during the day, but mom was just too preoccupied or plain lazy to deal with them. In my opinion it should be a very rare moment that dad has to deal with an ‘issue’ when he comes home from work. Especially with little ones (by this I mean pre-school age). If things are properly dealt with during the day by mom, dad should be able to come home, enjoy his ‘well trained’ children and relax. It will take a lot of putting aside our own thing to discipline, but it will be well worth it in the end. Little issues become bigger issues and by the end of the day they can be a volcano just waiting to erupt. Training our children as Debi puts it is ‘a full time occupation’. This brings me to the next subject, a subject that is tip-toed around very lightly in this day and age. So if I offend some of you I am sorry, but I will not water down what I believe in order not to offend. This subject is the assumption that we can leave our children with other people (daycare, caregiver, friends, even grandparents) day after day and assume that we are fulfilling our role as a mother. NOT. Who knows your child’s issues better than you do, and who can train them in love better than you do? Sending your children somewhere else while you go and ‘work’ outside the home, I believe, is really not the way God designed the family to be. God designed a mother to nurture, nourish, love, protect and train our children 24/7. Yes there may be the few instances where we leave them behind to let someone else to take care of them, but this should be the exception rather than the norm. God is quite clear in Titus 2:5 that women are to love their children and to be keeper’s at home. Why do we think that we can do things contrary to God’s Word and yet function as a family that will bring honor and glory to Him? God’s design is the best design and we should think very carefully before we decide that we know better. We only have one chance at rasing our children and how sad it would be if years down the road we look back and realize we should have done things differently. And I don’t want anyone to say to me, “Why were you not brave enough to tell me your convictions.” So there you have it.

Chapter 15 (Part 2)

I loved the story of the lady who’s husband came home on a hot day and said he would have rathered a cold meal than the hot one she had just sweated over to make. She said she was hurt and sad, but her most compelling thought was to figure out how to prepare cold meals for her husband. Oh to be there! Instead of getting angry when my husband wants something done differently, to figure out to do it the way he wants it. This is another thing we tell our children often. If you really have your parents heart desires as your heart desires then you will look for ways to do what they ask efficiently and thoroughly. This reminds me of when I first started helping Mark with our cows. There are many times you need to chase those blessed creatures, and many times they don’t go exactly where you want them to go. It was a real character building time in our marriage every time we would chase cows. I didn’t get the ‘cow chasing gene’. I always seemed to move the wrong way, or chicken out at the last moment and let them by. This frustrated Mark to no end. It got to the point where I dreaded chasing cows because of the tension it brought between us. That is until I started to learn to ignore the way I thought cows should be chased, put aside my fears, and listen to how Mark wanted things done. Mark is an ‘all or nothing type of guy’, and when he puts his heart into doing something it’s all. That includes chasing cows. So I had to learn this way. I remember one of the first times I determined to give it my all. We were chasing in muck (the manure kind) over our ankles and when I ran forward my boots stayed behind. So I was running around in bare feet with ‘muck’ oozing up between my toes. But my heart was in it, and at that point I was more set on pleasing my husband than having clean feet. And you know what, there was no tension, and was my hubby ever proud of me! Another thing that I have been working on over the years is serving my husband after he puts in a long day. I have heard many women say that when their husbands get home from work they hand over the kids and demand to have ‘their time’. I don’t think this is fair to their husband and it shows an attitude of me-ism. If they were thinking about him, they would realize that maybe he had a hard day as well and serve him instead of demand things of him. For my husband, farming (as many jobs) can have their very high stress moments. I have learned that there are times not to bring up problems that I am having around the house (and it’s usually in the busiest season that things go wrong!). Sometimes it is a few days before he can address my problems, because he usually has way more problems than I do which hinge on our making a living. It may mean that my life will be a little more complicated but that is okay. And as I have honored him more and more in this area I have seen in his heart a desire to take care of my problems the first possible moment. I don’t think the results would be the same if I conceded to nagging about it. Instead when he comes home I try to have a snack ready and take the time to sit there and talk with him about his day. “Try to make your home a place of peace and order, where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.” This is one of the reasons why I think woman should not work outside the home. Being a wife is your career. How can you be 100% commited to serving your husband when most of your energies are spent on your job. Not that being at home with your children doesn’t take energy, but at least you have opportunities throughout the day to do things that will honor your husband and you are constantly being reminded of your #1 sweetie. If my husband can come home to a good meal, a tidy house, well mannered kids, and a wife who desires to serve him, our home will be an oasis for him, a place where he can recharge. In her letter Freida made a comment that I thought was great. “I intended my marriage to be my career for the rest of my life and I intended to be successful at it.” This is my career. This is where my heart should be. Why would I want to work anywhere else? Why would I want to be successful anywhere else? The other day at church a couple of ladies were talking about working wives/moms. One lady made a comment that caught my attention. She said her sister works in a hospital and that it is actually a break to go to work and get away from her kids. And I think that is often the case. Sometimes working outside the home can seem more glorious. People applaud your efforts. They appreciate what you do. In a home full of little ones, that is not always the case. Sometimes you can go a whole day working like crazy and not hear one thank you (without prompting). So once again it comes down to “What are woman called to do.” Titus 2: 5 pretty much says it, ‘keepers at home’. Will this always be a glamorous job? No, but I believe it can be a fulfilling job if your heart is in the right place. The question that Debi raised that I have been asking myself, “Do I have eternity in my heart?” Are the daily decisions that I make concerning my husband to benefit me for the here and now or do they reflect my willingness to be a servant and think of how today will affect me for eternity. Do I seek to honor God and obey His word in the daily moment by moment choices I make. Take time to read Titus 2:3-5.

Chapter 15

First I’ll address the practical side of this chapter. In talking about running a smooth household, Debi says that planning is a must. Planning ahead has never been a problem for me. I am a plan aheader. So much that I have to be careful not to get upset when my plan doesn’t work out. But one thing that I know I need to work on is meal time timing. Not that I don’t have meals planned and ready on time. We have a 6 week menu plan that helps us to be well prepared for meal times. But my problem is the flexibility with meals. Being on the farm you have to sometimes have a meal ready 2 minutes ago J. So me and my big plans and perfect schedule don’t always work here. I need to work on my attitude when Mark wants lunch at 11:00 or 11:30 or supper at 4:00. I need to be prepared to be able to make a quick meal if need be. She also talks about using a crock pot. I haven’t used one much except when on Sunday’s when we were expecting company for lunch. Mostly because it is too small for us to cook most things in. I was wondering if anyone out there uses a crock pot and what you make in it. One of the thing I have learned in regards to food. ‘If your going to make it, you might as well make it big’. So if I make a meal, I will often double it (for us that sometimes means 6x a normal recipe) and throw the extra in the freezer for those times when I need a quick meal for one reason or another. It comes in handy when sickness hits, you want to bring a meal to someone, or things are just real busy. As I mentioned we have a 6 week meal plan. The plan is for breakfast & supper Monday-Friday. Lunch is always sandwiches. Wednesday is soup day. Leftovers are on Saturday and we have a list of meals to choose from on Sundays, depending on if we are having company ect. A meal plan helps us to get the meat defrosted, it helps us to eat a well balanced and healthy diet, and we know what groceries to buy for the week. We buy our groceries 50 minutes from home so we can’t just run uptown to get an ingredient. I strongly recommend making a meal plan. It has helped us out a lot. Having done all this I rarely have an excuse not to have a meal ready for my husband. If there is a time that I don’t have a meal ready, it is usually because I was more concerned about my own time than his or just got plain lazy. What about having a clean house? For me this has always been important. I feel I can function better when my house is clean and so can everyone else. I find if the dishes are not done and the floor is not swept, I have a harder time being motivated for the rest of my daily duties. ‘A place for everything.’ That’s what I have found is needed if I expect other people to help put keep things clean. If I have a specified place for things it helps everyone know where things belong. Our house is full of labeled shelves and rubbermaid/plastic containers. Sometimes housework can feel so unrewarding. It seems as soon as you clean it, it gets messed up again. Even though our house isn’t always perfectly clean, we do try to keep it tidy. Like I said, we feel more motivated and if we have unexpected company, it says to them, “We honor you enough to have a tidy house to greet you.” I have been in some homes where dishes are undone, the floor is dirty and it just feels dirty. Some of these places I don’t even want to let my baby crawl on the floor. I don’t want to be one of these homes that our company feels uncomfortable in. On the flip side, I used to be a clean freak. We hardly had company over because the house was rarely ‘clean enough’. Years of experience and ten children later has kind of cured me of this. I have realized it is not about a perfect home, I have many children and my house is going to reflect this. So I have had to find the balance between cleanliness and perfectionism. So I think that covers the practical side. Part 2 will be tomorrow.

Kings & Kingdoms Chpt. 14

I will start by giving my favorite quotes of this chapter. When you neglect to reverence your husband, you are taking something precious away from yourself, your children & your husband. It is God’s will for you to reverence your husband. Reverence is not just how you act; it’s how you feel & how you respond with your word & with your body language. It is not enough to get up & serve him; your eyes and the quick, carefree swing of your body must indicate your delight to be engaged in serving your man. Deference to your man is the height of true femininity. It makes a woman beautiful, gracious and lovely to all (*not weak as the world would like you to believe) and especially to him. Words with * are my input. This week Debi asked us to make a list of things we should do that will cause our husband to feel your honor, respect & reverence. I encourage you to do this, even if you haven’t read the book. And don’t just make a list but try to do it! Also once again I would love to hear your thoughts on this chapter.

Chapter 13

“This is a great mystery; but I speak concerning Christ and the church….and the wife see that she reverence her husband.” (Eph. 5:32-33) REVERENCE: to revere, to be in awe; fear mingled with respect & esteem. As I continue on this journey, daily I am becoming more and more aware of how I thought I reverenced my husband most of the time, but really I don’t. Not when I look at this definition. My marriage to my husband prepares me for my marriage to Christ. I like how Debi made the statement that I am sure most of us would think, 'But it would be easy to be married to Christ!' Then she names some of the things that God required of people in the Bible. Abraham and Isaac, Sapphira. Right…. maybe not so easy, unless your heart is 100% committed and submissive. The story of Abraham and Isaac is my favorite story in the Bible. The way Abraham was so absolutely obedient to God touches me time and time again. How Abraham, even though he didn’t understand, was willing to do what God asked him to do, and he did it quickly. The Bible says that he woke up early. This always struck me. He didn’t procrastinate, try to reason with God, drag his heals, but rather he got up early and went to do the task that God commanded him to do. We can only imagine what Abraham was thinking on that journey since the Bible doesn’t say. Was he so 100% trusting of God that there were no questions? Did he know in his heart that God knew what was best and was willing to follow what he said no matter what the cost to him? Even his son who he had waited so long for? And then what God said to Abraham after he stopped him from sacrificing Isaac brings me to tears every time. “Now I know that you fear God.” I have read this story many, many times, but never have I thought of it in the light of today. Am I submissive to my husband as Abraham was to God. Can my husband say to me, “Now I know that you fear God”? I had determined years ago, after watching other wives complain about their husbands behind their back, that I would never do this to my husband. I would not complain about him to anyone, not even my family, closest friends or church leader. This is one of the best decisions I have made in my relationship with my husband. In complaining to others I would only put my husband down and stir up discontent in my heart. I have heard people complain of their husband in the name of ‘prayer’. “Please pray for my husband, he is struggling with so and so”. I have one thing to say….hmmmm. Is this really the motive? If my husband has an issue that I think needs prayer, then I pray! I once read a testimony of a mother who said something like this to her daughter before her wedding day, “When you are married I will be there for advice on cooking, sewing, and the womanly things of running a household, but don’t you ever come to me and complain about your husband. If you do I will promptly send you back to him.” I have since told my daughters this same thing. I think it is great advice. The story of the ‘Queen for a Day’ was especially meaningful to me as I have been thinking a lot about my witness to my children in the way I treat my husband. They are watching every move I make. My girls are learning from me how to treat their heavenly Father, their earthly father and Lord willing someday their own husband. Our boys are learning from me how to honor and respect their dad. I am glad today is a new day, because many days I fail miserably as a godly example. Even though I cannot erase those things in which I have failed, I can start again today. I want my children to be able to honor their dad in the way that I honor him. I have felt the eyes of my children when my husband does something that they think is unfair. They look at me, for my reaction. I am learning to support him, even thought it’s not always ‘MY WAY’! They are watching:) I could go on and on here, but I won’t. There are so many other things in this chapter. Words, how comfortable am I making our home, responding to my husband with scorn or ridicule…….. Tell me a bit about how your ‘help meet’ journey is going. Even if you are not doing the study with us, leave a comment.

By Divine Appointment Chpt. 12

But I would have you know that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God. (I Cor. 11:3) As I read this chapter I was reminded of my journey of being a wife and getting into my head that I was accountable for me and my actions. I will not be accountable to God for the things that are my husband’s responsibilities, I will be accountable for my heart and my actions. That releases me from having to ‘fix’ my husband’s shortcomings. I need to be reminded every day that it is my heart I need to work on, not his. In fact this is something we tell our children all the time. When they come to us with a complaint about one of their siblings we ask them how their heart is. We proceed to tell them that all they can do is work on their heart, and that they cannot change someone else’s. They can pray for them, but they cannot change them. Another thing that struck me again about this chapter was the phrase she used when speaking about a woman’s role in the church she says, “It is not about being qualified, it is about being authorized.” I think so many times as women, just because we are capable of doing something, we usurp our husbands authority and go ahead and do things, in the church or wherever. This is not God's qualifications. His qualifications are very clear in the Bible. Read (I Cor. 14:34-35). Over the years I have come across many people who have criticized my role in submission to my husband. One comment has been, but if you submit, become a servant, honour ect, won’t you become a doormat, something your husband will take advantage of? I may have mentioned this in a previous post, but a great example to me of how this doesn't happen was last harvest season. I had determined in my heart that I was going to be a non complaining, willing help meet to my husband. I had imagined that I would be spending my whole fall in the field, I would get no canning done and I would basically be spending all my time helping him. And I was okay with that (although I still had to work on my attitude somedays). Well what actually happened was last fall was one that I got the most canning done ever and I probably spent less time in the field that I have had to previously. I saw God multiply my time at home and show me that He was in control. I believe that He honored my actions and let me tell you, I felt nothing like a doormat! I remember an analogy that I heard when I was younger. God is like an umbrella. He protects me like an umbrella protects me from the rain. But when I move outside God’s will and plan for my life, I move out from under the umbrella and open myself up to ‘get wet’! And I believe it is that way with our husbands as well, my position under my husband is where God put me for my own spiritual, emotional and physical safety. It is the only place I will find real fulfillment as a woman. pg 117 If I move out of that God given protection, I open myself up to things that God has not planned for me. As I reflected on these principles I asked myself two questions: 1.What would happen to the marriages in the church if women would truly, with all their heart submit to their husband. Would the disturbing divorce rate go down? 2. pg. 122 Is my marriage glorious? Is it an example in Heaven of how God wants Christ and the Church to be? “For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church; and he is the saviour of the body.” (Eph. 5:23) It would be great to hear from you. What from this chapter challenged you?

Chpt. 11 Created to Be His Help Meet

Sorry this post is late. We've had a crazy week which included being stormed stayed in Winnipeg on Monday. I enjoyed many parts of this chapter but the part that stood out the most to me was where Debi talks about the woman who reminds her husband of what he was going to do in a manner of saying, “I am holding you to it” I have been very guilty of this and Mark has called me on it a few times. When he has commented about doing something and I take it as a ‘I am going to do this” and then if he doesn’t do it I say “But you said….” And I recognize now what this has done is caused him to keep part of his heart to himself because it is not worth my comments later on. I have indeed been guilty of what she says on pg. 114 “Using your special knowledge of you husband as leverage to get your way.” Another part that stood out to me was she talks about a woman’s spirituality. Today it is definitely measured by how spiritual she looks on the outside, what positions she holds in the church, how ‘spiritual’ her lingo is, a prayer warrior. But when do you ever hear a woman’s spiritual standing judged on how submissive she is to her husband? I can’t recall ever hearing this. I believe this is because of a lost view of what a woman’s calling really is. It isn’t the view of the virtuous woman described in Proverbs 31. “Is your desire for your husband? (Gen. 3:16) Do you live to please him? Or do you expect him to live up to your convictions and whims? Do you spend your days in angry frustration over his unwillingness to change to your specifications? “ pg. 116

Reactions Define You

Review of chapter 10 from the book 'Created to be His Help Meet' by Debi Pearl A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil; for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh.” Luke 6:45 As as he thinketh in his heart, so is he…” Proverbs 23:7 I could stop right there. These verses give so much to think about. It really gives no excuse for the words that I say to others, that I speak to my husband. What is in my heart is going to come out of my mouth. After reading this chapter I became very conscious of what was in my heart. And to tell you the truth, I was often times very shocked. But it also made me understand why I sometimes have a hard time being a submissive wife. My heart is in the wrong place because of the thoughts I have been harbouring. So I have been training myself to evaluate my words, am I speaking words of praise or bitterness. Are the words that I speak to my husband out of a heart that has been harbouring bitterness or lifting my husband up. Even in my thoughts I can be unsubmissive. It isn’t just action. Really when a bitter thought comes into my head and I let that simmer, this is where I begin my road of evil thoughts that will eventually come out of my mouth and be shown in my actions. If this truth can become part of my heart (out of my heart my mouth speaks) I believe I will have a much easier time submitting because my heart will already be there. And I believe it has already helped me a lot. As soon as I find myself thinking thoughts that are not honouring of my husband and I can recognize them as such and begin to give these things to God, I am one step ahead than if I had dwelt on these thoughts and let them simmer in my heart. If I can truly say in my heart “Not my will, but thine be done,” then I will be able to rest in my heart and submit. Where are your thoughts today, are they bringing you close to your journey of becoming a godly wife, or are they hindering you?

Created to be His Help Meet Chpt. 8 & 9

I combined this week’s study with last weeks because chapter 8 was pretty much each person to themselves. I appreciated this chapter because it did help me understand my husband a little better and why he is the way he is.

The reason I like this book is because every week it reminds me of my role as a wife. It is so easy to loose focus, to become something other than my husbands helpmeet. I hope there is a time soon that this will become part of my heart and that I can serve joyfully with out the constant struggle of my flesh. But right now I confess that I still struggle on a daily basis to be a helpmeet, an extension of my husband.

This weeks lesson reminded me once again of the many mistakes I have made as a wife. My husband is primarily a steady and I know I have crushed or belittled his ideas and dreams too many times and he has shut down in those areas. Thank God for His grace and for my husbands forgiveness, but I know that I still am reaping the consequences for my actions. Those things don’t just get rebuilt overnight. It takes time and I think sometimes some things are never restored.

Here are some of my favourite principles of this chapter.

First of all I love the title of the chapter “Finding Your Life In His”
As I thought about this, I thought of how marriage is a picture of the church and how we know that as the bride of Christ we are to find our life in Christ’s. It is the same for me as a wife to my husband, I am to find my life in his. Not my dreams, ambitions, goals….but his. And in this I will find true joy.

pg. 95
“Because of his wife’s controlling hand and his desire to ‘do his duty’ and please her, he had failed to live his dreams.” I guess this really got me, because I know that many times my ‘controlling hand’ I have caused my husband to try to please me and therefore he has not lived out the God given dream that has been placed in him. Even though my husband is a steady, he does have dreams, and I think sometimes they take me by surprise and often my first reaction is to make him know how unrealistic or silly those dreams are. When in fact I should be there to encourage his dreams and let God take care of the rest.

Pg. 97
“God is not looking for happy women to make them into help meets for men. He is looking for women willing to be true helpmeets, so he can fill them full of joy.” Joy is so much better than happiness. Joy is true, deep inner fulfillment. It is not temporary, it is lasting, it is eternal. The choice is mine, do I want the temporary fulfillment of being my own self with my own goals and ambitions, or will I choose to be a helpmeet to my husband and be filled with joy. I think I choose the latter!

As I pondered this chapter I realized again how society is so opposite of God’s plan for the wife’s role in a marriage. From the books we read, from the movies we watch, from the magazine articles we pour over, from the messages in the advertisements….the list goes on and on. I get so frustrated sometimes that no one taught me this when I was a young married wife and that I took my guidance from the world instead of God‘s Word. Where were those older women that were to teach me? But I guess my duty is not to bemoan the fact that I wasn’t taught, but instead pick up from here and ask God for wisdom to change my ways and not to be confident in the fact that I want to be my husbands helpmeet. Also to make sure that I am there to teach the younger women now, so that they will not have to wake up like me someday and realize all the times they could have been a helpmeet to their husbands and were not.

So if you are a woman reading this today the question is:
“Are you finding your life in your husbands? Are you being a blessing to him, a true friend, an encouragement, an extension of him? My prayer is that I will be that to my husband and that as I seek God for wisdom on how to do this, He will grant it to me as He promises in His word.

“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.”
James 1:5

By the way, Friday is not turning out to be a very good day to do this study, so I am changing it to Tuesday.

Created To Be His Help Meet Chpt.6

Fear-Fear has become such a negative word in our culture. But the fear of the Lord is a beautiful and awesome thing. As I read this chapter I had to ask myself, “Do I have the fear of God in me.” Sadly too many times I have more of the fear of people than the fear of God in me. And the reason I believe I think this way is because I don’t see things as for eternity but rather I see things only the here and now. Many times I would rather see God as a loving, forgiving God who will excuse my ‘ungodly ways’ and forget them. While this is true, my God is a forgiving loving God, there are also consequences for my behaviour. I cannot go through life with a ‘God will forgive me’ attitude and think that there will not be consequences for my sin. I will reap what I sow. Whether good or bad. So in my daily walk, being my husbands help meet is no different. This is what God has commanded me to be. If I am not that, I am being disobedient, and am in sin. So simple yet so hard when in the middle of it. Everyday all day I make choices. I make choices to submit or not to submit to my husband. And for me to see the big picture, to see it God’s way is often hard. And it’s usually such silly little things that get me going. I have a phrase that I often think about and say to our children, “Is it going to matter when you get to heaven?” For me this really puts things into perspective. Is it going to matter in heaven the very thing that is making me so upset right now. What really matters is my heart, my obedience. I cannot change my husbands heart, but I can change mine. I will not be judged according to my husbands deeds, but I will be judged according to mine. (Romans 14:12) So today I choose.

The Gift of Wisdom Chpt. 5 in Created to Be His Help Meet

This chapter started off with the question: Do you have enough fear of God not to question His Word? Well....that's a loaded question and one that I think about often. In this chapter though, it is referring to the command by God for woman to be submissive and obedient to their husbands. It can be hard to trust God when our circumstances are less than perfect. And that is when we need to ask God for wisdom. James 1:5 says: If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him. Of course the next verse says: But let him ask in faith, nothing wavering. For he that wavereth is like a wave of the sea driven with the wind and tossed. I believe to have faith we have to trust. We have to trust that God knows what He is doing. We often say to our children that their responsibility isn't to understand all the things we as parents tell them to do, but to trust that God has put us in authority. When they can really understand this in their hearts then responding to our authority will come a lot easier for them. And I think it is also this way with us as wives. If we trust that God is God and that what He says in His word is for our good, then we will find submitting to our husband much easier. So if we believe in God and His word we will understand that when we believe in Him and ask Him for wisdom in our situation, He will give it to us. Wisdom helps me to see things in God's light, to see my husband in God's light. God's wisdom tells me that His command for me to submit to my husband does not hinge on who my husband is or what he does. It takes God's wisdom for me to keep from striking back when I feel I have been mistreated. It takes God's wisdom to serve my husband even when I think I should be served. All of this does not come naturally for me, I have to really trust God in my heart and know that I know His word is absolute, that it does not depend on my feelings or circumstances. As Debi put it, "You can decide to be in a constant state of anger or bitterness, or you can ask God for the wisdom to live each day in a state of honoring your man for God's sake." So what will you choose to do? I would love to hear your comments on this post or this chapter.

Created To Be His Help Meet Chpt. 4

Let me ask you a question. When your kids are all grown up and have left home will you still know you husband? I don't just mean know his name, what he likes for supper, or how he likes his socks folded, but really know him. Will you still know what ignites that spark between the two of you that was so bright when you first met each other. Will you still want to spend time together? I think I have mentioned this before, but as wives we sometimes get so caught up in our kids that we forget the effort needed to keep our relationship with our husband strong and healthy. And we have seen situations where couples pour everything into their kids and then when they are grown up and left home, they are left with a spouse who is practically a stranger. So what can I do to make sure this does not happen? Here are some of the ideas I have gleaned from this book and some of our own experiences. - Take time to laugh and enjoy each others company. Sometimes I get so caught up in the endless tasks I have as a mom that I forget to laugh with my husband. But when we laugh together it bonds us and is also a great example for our kids of a healthy relationship. They love it when we joke around together or have a 'tickle fight'. Plus it's lots of fun! - When you have something to share (new idea, event in your day, a new joke) share it first with your husband instead of your mom or your other friends. Who you share these things with is who your soul will be tied to. Make sure it's tied to your husband. Remember when you were courting and you just couldn't wait to tell him the latest news? I remember making a list of things to tell him when he would call. This was important to me then and it should be important now. - Don't go out with 'your' friends. It seems to be a interpreted as a weakness these days to actually want to spend free time with your spouse. I think the theory that we tell our kids often, applies here as well. My husband will always be here (as long as we both shall live). Why would I concentrate on spending my time with friends instead of my best friend. Now I can hear some of you saying, "What, you mean we should never spend time with our friends?" Sure you can spend time with friends, but why not spend time together with mutual friends. I rarely go out with just my friends. We concentrate on spending the little time we have to visit, to visit together as a couple or as a family. That way we have experienced what each other has experienced and it builds unity and a common bond between us. - Don't get into the 'your time, my time' way of thinking. I believe that when I chose to marry Mark I chose to have 'our time'. We have witnessed other couples have 'their time' and will fight for their time not matter what the price. I think this cultivates a self-centeredness and causes an unhealthy competition (eg. You did this, now I get to do that) - Find out what really makes your husband feel loved. A very good book about this topic is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. In this book Gary describes the different ways that people want to be loved. The five different love languages are; quality time, physical touch and closeness, encouraging words, gift giving, and acts of service. Every one has a primary love language. And each of us has our own way that we feel the most loved. I strongly recommend this book as it is a tool to figure out what makes your husband (and children) feel loved. - Surprise your husband with a get away, special supper or an evening with just the two of you. A while ago (too long ago now that I think about it) I 'kidnapped' Mark. I arranged things at home so that we could go away for a couple of days, packed our things, hid them in the trunk of the car and made it seem like we were just going for our routine errand running. When we got to our usual destination and Mark went into the store I put a 'ransom' not on his seat in thh car. It was only then that he was clued in to what was happening. We had a great time and it was extra special because it was a way for me to say to him 'you mean a lot to me and you are worth all this'. The older kids also had a fun time trying to keep the secret from dad! When we had little ones and I was still nursing a baby we would send the kids downstairs or wait until they were in bed and I would turn our living room into a 'romantic restaurant'. I would prepare a special supper and then we would spend some one on one time. Now that we have older kids who can babysit we can get away more often, but this was a way that got us through those earlier years with little ones in keeping our relationship a priority. - Make love fun. As I read this chapter I realized that I have become quite a Sour Mrs. many times. I forget to have the little 'love fights' that were so frequent wehn we were first married. I have to work hard at not becoming a hands off type of wife. - Live with thanksgiving, forgiveness and joy. Live every moment as if it were your last because someday........it will be!

Created to be His Help Meet Chapter 3

This chapter was perfect timing for me! Right now we have a cold/fever thing in our house that has been going around for over a month. I of course have been lamenting this fact, seeing having sick kids is not fun. Then I read the verses in this chapter about a thankful spirit. Ya, not always easy, but the best way. As I reflected this chapter I thought of my dear mom. She has always been one who has had a thankful spirit no matter what her circumstances have been. Growing up we did not always have a lot of money or the nicest houses, but my mom always had a thankful spirit. Even though her friends and family around her told her she should demand better, she honoured my dad by choosing to be thankful no matter what her circumstances. This has spoken volumes to me over the years. And I wish I could say that I have followed in her footsteps in this area, but too many times I have fallen into the trap of complaining about my less than perfect circumstance and in many case guilting my husband into ‘making things better’. I will never forget going to visit a friend who had just moved into a new home. I asked her if she was happy with the way things turned out. She answered “Yes, until I go and see someone else’s home that I like better.” This statement was one that I have replayed over and over again in my mind. I always thought “if only we could build our own home, then everything would be perfect.” But what isn’t perfect is the fact that I am a sinner and that I struggle with having a thankful spirit and being content in all circumstances.

So today was the day to say “Never again.” And with God’s strength I pray that I will learn to be content in every circumstance that I am placed in day to day.

Thanksgiving is good; thanks-living is better What did you learn from this chapter?

Created To Be His Help Meet

I will be continuing the study 'Created To Be His Help Meet' by Debi Pearl. We will be discussing chapter 3 on Friday, November 30th. Hope you can join me!