This fall marks 25 years that Mark and I will be married. Sometimes it seems like just yesterday that we said our vows to each other, and then I look around at all of our children and realize it's obviously been a few years :)
Getting married to my husband was one of the best decisions I have ever made. I feel so blessed that God brought us together. I never dreamed that we would be where we are in life 25 years later! The journey we have been on has been an exciting one. And I can say with all my heart that I hope we will be together AT LEAST another 25 years!
So since this year marks a very special milestone I thought it might be a good time to do a series on marriage from the perspective of me, a wife. I would like to do 25 posts on this subject, but realistically I don't think I will get there! But I will try! And because I am a wife, I am going to talk to the wives paticularily. But I believe that many of these principles can apply to both husband and wife.
When Mark and I got married I was 18 years old. People thought we were too young.....we thought we were mature, responsible and ready for marriage. I have never regretted getting married at 18, although I wish that I had been taught a few more things about being a wife. My mom was an amazing wife to my dad, but there were many principles that she had never learned, therefore she wasn't able to pass down to me. So I had to learn as I went along and am so grateful to God for teaching me how He did. In those early years there was no one to mentor me to be a Godly wife. No one to take me under their wing and teach me what it meant to be a help meet to my husband. That's why it's so important for me today to be that woman to other wives who are searching. I know what it's like to struggle, fail, pick myself up and cry out to God for answers. I don't regret those days, for I know that I drew closer to God while I searched my heart and His word for answers. And I am thankful that after a few years God did bring someone into my life to mentor me. Someone who took the time to listen and give advice. (thanks Helen!!!)
God has taught me many things over the last 25 years. And it is only by His grace that I am the wife that I am today. And even though I look back and see how far I have come, I look forward and see how much I can improve. I am so grateful for His constant teaching, nudging, and pruning in my life. I always want my heart to be pliable so 'He who has begun a good work in me can complete it'!
Anyway, what I am going to share is something that I think is a real important principle for a wife to practice. NEVER SPEAK BADLY, NEGATIVELY OR COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR HUSBAND BEHIND HIS BACK OR TO HIS FACE AROUND OTHER PEOPLE. I cringe when I hear wives put their husbands down, or complain about them in a group of people or even just one on one. And if a wife comes and starts to do this to me, I quickly shut down the conversation, change the subject, or encourage them to honour their husbands by their words. And sadly, do you know where I have seen this happen the most? In a woman's bible study or get together. I know....I've been there....I've participated. Really ladies, this is cheap and I don't believe it is honoring to God. Your husband has been place by God as your head. Respect that!
God's word tells us in Ephesians 4:29 "Let no corrupt communication proceed out of your mouth, but that which is good to the use of edifying, that it may minister grace unto the hearers." I quote this verse often to our children because it is often needed. But I realize how I also need to live this every day in our marriage. What purpose does putting my husband down serve? NONE!!!
I know there are some woman who will say, "But it's just in fun!" Well....find another way to have fun....and don't let it be at the expense of your husband.
I have made sure to teach this truth to my children as well. I am very careful not to talk negatively about their Dad to them. Not that I have never done it, I am human, I have slipped. But this is something that I have been very diligent to try and live every day. I have told my girls that one day when they are married (Lord willing) if they call me up and start complaining about their husband, I will hang up on them!!!! And I mean it!!! I will not be a third party to something that should be between a husband and a wife. Not that I don't want to be there for them....I do! But all they have to say is, "Please pray." That's all I need to hear! And if they need advice on how to work on their own hearts, I will gladly give that to them to. But that's where it will end!
So I just want to encourage you ladies, speak positively about your husband....to his face and behind his back. If you have a complaint about him, don't announce it to the world. First check your own heart and then pray for his. And if we are ever talking together and you complain about me to your husband......you know what I'll do :)