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December 7, 2007

Created To Be His Help Meet Chpt. 4

Let me ask you a question. When your kids are all grown up and have left home will you still know you husband? I don't just mean know his name, what he likes for supper, or how he likes his socks folded, but really know him. Will you still know what ignites that spark between the two of you that was so bright when you first met each other. Will you still want to spend time together? I think I have mentioned this before, but as wives we sometimes get so caught up in our kids that we forget the effort needed to keep our relationship with our husband strong and healthy. And we have seen situations where couples pour everything into their kids and then when they are grown up and left home, they are left with a spouse who is practically a stranger. So what can I do to make sure this does not happen? Here are some of the ideas I have gleaned from this book and some of our own experiences. - Take time to laugh and enjoy each others company. Sometimes I get so caught up in the endless tasks I have as a mom that I forget to laugh with my husband. But when we laugh together it bonds us and is also a great example for our kids of a healthy relationship. They love it when we joke around together or have a 'tickle fight'. Plus it's lots of fun! - When you have something to share (new idea, event in your day, a new joke) share it first with your husband instead of your mom or your other friends. Who you share these things with is who your soul will be tied to. Make sure it's tied to your husband. Remember when you were courting and you just couldn't wait to tell him the latest news? I remember making a list of things to tell him when he would call. This was important to me then and it should be important now. - Don't go out with 'your' friends. It seems to be a interpreted as a weakness these days to actually want to spend free time with your spouse. I think the theory that we tell our kids often, applies here as well. My husband will always be here (as long as we both shall live). Why would I concentrate on spending my time with friends instead of my best friend. Now I can hear some of you saying, "What, you mean we should never spend time with our friends?" Sure you can spend time with friends, but why not spend time together with mutual friends. I rarely go out with just my friends. We concentrate on spending the little time we have to visit, to visit together as a couple or as a family. That way we have experienced what each other has experienced and it builds unity and a common bond between us. - Don't get into the 'your time, my time' way of thinking. I believe that when I chose to marry Mark I chose to have 'our time'. We have witnessed other couples have 'their time' and will fight for their time not matter what the price. I think this cultivates a self-centeredness and causes an unhealthy competition (eg. You did this, now I get to do that) - Find out what really makes your husband feel loved. A very good book about this topic is "The Five Love Languages" by Gary Chapman. In this book Gary describes the different ways that people want to be loved. The five different love languages are; quality time, physical touch and closeness, encouraging words, gift giving, and acts of service. Every one has a primary love language. And each of us has our own way that we feel the most loved. I strongly recommend this book as it is a tool to figure out what makes your husband (and children) feel loved. - Surprise your husband with a get away, special supper or an evening with just the two of you. A while ago (too long ago now that I think about it) I 'kidnapped' Mark. I arranged things at home so that we could go away for a couple of days, packed our things, hid them in the trunk of the car and made it seem like we were just going for our routine errand running. When we got to our usual destination and Mark went into the store I put a 'ransom' not on his seat in thh car. It was only then that he was clued in to what was happening. We had a great time and it was extra special because it was a way for me to say to him 'you mean a lot to me and you are worth all this'. The older kids also had a fun time trying to keep the secret from dad! When we had little ones and I was still nursing a baby we would send the kids downstairs or wait until they were in bed and I would turn our living room into a 'romantic restaurant'. I would prepare a special supper and then we would spend some one on one time. Now that we have older kids who can babysit we can get away more often, but this was a way that got us through those earlier years with little ones in keeping our relationship a priority. - Make love fun. As I read this chapter I realized that I have become quite a Sour Mrs. many times. I forget to have the little 'love fights' that were so frequent wehn we were first married. I have to work hard at not becoming a hands off type of wife. - Live with thanksgiving, forgiveness and joy. Live every moment as if it were your last because someday........it will be!


Dianna said...

I'm not quite done meditating on this chapter. Yes with that book I need to read a little at a time the meditate on what I've read otherwise it either slips my mid or it doesn't have much of an effect. So far this chapter is beautifully written and what an inspiration for me encouraging even. Cause I need to hear it from someone else that it's ok sometimes for just hubby and I without children. Why do we feel so guilty thinking that they should always have all our energy and time?

Lisa said...


I'm not reading the book, but I check your blog regularly. Even just reading what you've written really challenges me. (i'd like to read the book sometime in the future!) I was especially challenged by the 'my time, your time,'. This is something I get caught up in. I also appreciated the part about sharing things with your husband first. Yeah, that's totally how it is when you start dating....and it should continue!

Thanks for your blog! It's a real source of encouragement and life for me!

Lisa VB