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January 24, 2009

Great Expectations

Through the last couple weeks God has been speaking to me about ‘my’ expectations. Especially through the birth of Josiah and the days that have followed. Josiah’s birth was really as far from the way I had expected it than any birth I have experienced so far. Going from a home birth plan to having to have an emergency c-section was not quite in our plans. But thankfully God doesn’t fulfill His plan according to my expectations. Because Josiah might not be with us today if things had went according to those. If I had went into labor when I expected I should have: I wouldn’t have had an ultrasound, I wouldn’t have been in the hospital to be induced, and I wouldn’t have been on the monitor when Josiah’s heart rate fell (in fact at the time I was inwardly grumbling about having to be on it at all). But God knew all these things. And am I ever glad that He was in control instead of me. Another thing that has made me let go of my expectations since coming home with Josiah is a simple thing like nursing my baby. Ever since Jennifer I have had issues with having enough milk to make our babies grow. Over the years I have learned different things that have helped a little, and every time we have another baby I am sure that this time ‘it will work!’ This time was no exception. ‘I’ had it all figured out. Well guess what! Things didn’t go as I expected! Josiah started to lose weight, we recognized the all too familiar pattern. I started to pump and feed my milk to him plus nurse and he gained. The only problem is that he decided that it was easier to drink the supplement than to nurse from me. This has not happened to me since Megan. I have been able to supplement and still nurse. But at this point Josiah seems to want to have nothing to do with my plan! So once again my expectations have not happened. And I had to work at not letting this get me down. To learn to trust that for whatever reason, this is the way God allowed it to be. EXPECTATIONS. Then I started to think about the many times that I have ‘my’ expectations in life. And how many times I have gotten frustrated when things haven’t gone according to my plan. But as in the case of Josiah’s birth, I only see such a small part of the big picture. But God sees it all from beginning to end. He knows what is best and why. I am not saying it is bad to have dreams and goals. But in my dreams and goals I need to understand that I don’t see it all. I need to be able to go with God when He changes the route and He orders a detour. I need to trust Him even when things don’t go according to the way I expected them to. Have you ever used a GPS? We have appreciated it many times when navigating through a city. It tells which way to turn, what lane to get into, lets you know where there are detours and construction and even tells you when you are off route. And we trust it to take us where we want to go. And this is the way I need to trust my ‘God Positioning System’. Not to question His directive promptings, but to know that He will bring me on the route that is best for me. This is the Psalm my mom felt she was to pray for us in the day’s that we were waiting for Josiah’s birth. I am so glad that He directed our path.
The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want. He makes me lie down in green pastures,
He leads me beside quiet waters, He restores my soul.
He guides me in paths of righteousness
for his name's sake. Even though I walk through the valley
of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil, for you are with me;
Your rod and your staff,
they comfort me. You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows. Surely goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

5 comments:

Laura said...

What a journey, and amazing how His ways are ALWAYS best....even when it's NOT what we planned/expected.

I LOVE the 23 Psalm, it was the Psalm God spoke to my heart this summer after our lose...one I memorized in 3rd grade.

What a blessing to know that GOD is our GPS!!!! If we are still and quiet to listen and follow :)

Lynnette Kraft said...

What a great post. It's so true...we fill our lives with hopes of what we want and often it just doesn't happen our way. It seems like a bummer, but as we meditate on our Lord and acknowledge his purpose, life holds so much more beauty.

I'm sure there will be another mother with expectations who you'll be able to encourage in the future. Through our trials we gain experience and can share that with others.

Congratulations on baby Josiah - I love that name and had my own Josiah in 1995. He would have been 14 on the 15th of this month.

Have a great week.
Lynnette

The Mayo Family said...

Hello-had a big comment written and bink...I erassed it? See Gods always got the plan for us! HA! We love to look at your sweet family...are very blessed by so much please know this...I am blessed at your openess to share the nursing story...I've gone through too many boxes of tissue in a whirl of self-pity that why cant I nurse...no matter what I have tried you name it I know it...ask my hubby who came name ever supplement feeder,vitamin, herb,drink & idea to fix it. When I gave it to God and thanked HIM for the gift and focused on my beautiful baby what I had & not what I had not...I found a peace...thank you for this as you never know who else you will touch and perhaps help during a trial for them! God bless you & your family!
Momma of 8
P.S. I hope you know how mean this...there are some blogs we all look at and infact they can really cause some to struggle as they can come across as "life is perfect" and your families willingness to be "real" is a blessing to many!

Laura said...

What a great post! I'm sorry that you have had nursing struggles, but I have to tell you that it encouraged me a little bit. I've had them too, and I've struggled with feeling like I'm doing something wrong...especially when my friends are able to nurse their babies with no problems for over a year. We've had weight loss issues and have had to supplement as well. I feel much better after reading your post. :) It is comforting to know that God is in total control of every detail, including how long my babies nurse. Now I just need to work on not second-guessing His plans!

mommyx12 said...

Hey, I'm so glad you left a comment on my blog because it gave me the opportunity to meet you. I love reading about other large families. I can't wait to read more about you and your lovely family.

Blessings,
Tricia