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July 16, 2011

Lingering Tears


Do you ever talk to someone who is making an important, life changing decision and you wonder if you should give advice or not, even if they are not asking for it?

I have come across this dilemma many times in my life, and it was often about the same subject....a couple making the decision to "fix" it so that they won't have any more children. Sometimes I have voiced my opinion, other times I haven't.

And then there is the other side of the story that I hear so often.....the regret for making a permanent decision that they wish could be undone. This breaks my heart. I often wonder....."WHAT IF SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TOLD THEM?" Told them that children are a blessing, that when they leave God in control there is no having to figure things out. That when you have little ones, they actually grow up and become helpful :) That it doesn't cost as much as people say to raise a child. That teenagers are a blessing and a lot of fun! What if?

I was talking to a lady the other day who did something permanent to prevent having more children over 20 years ago. Do you know that she was still shedding tears over this decision? She resented giving into the pressure that was put on her by her doctor, immediately after her last baby was born, to "fix' things. She wished she could go back in time and do it all over again.

I am so thankful that God in His sovereign hand gave my husband the wisdom to say no to the Doctor when he wanted to "fix" things after our 4th child. I am so glad we waited for a year before we decided to make any permanent decisions. I can't even imagine what our life would be like today without the next 8 blessings that God entrusted to us. I know I would not be the person I am today. I know I would not have learned the many things that God has taught me through our children. And above all....I KNOW that I would have been one of those ones who regretted that decision.

Talking to yet another lady full of regret has made me sure......

I will talk about it, I will share my opinion, I will tell the stories others have told me of their regret.

And if they don't like what I say...I will apologize and move on.....knowing that I didn't let things go unsaid....because I have seen enough "lingering tears" to last me a lifetime!

Lo, children are an heritage of the LORD: 
and the fruit of the womb is his reward.
As arrows are in the hand of a mighty man; 
so are children of the youth.
Happy is the man that has his quiver full of them. 
Psalm 127: 3-5a


The Munck Family said...

The same question has been ask of us many times over the years from people. I think that it must be a question people feel comfortable asking those who have many children. Not only have we been given the gift of so many blessings, but also the gift and ability to share the Lords way!

Great post!

mommyx12 said...

I know several women who have made this decision and you know what? There is only like 1 in the whole bunch who is glad they did it. The others are sorry as the day is long. It really is something to be regretted. Peace rarely accompanies a decision like this. Often times what makes a woman decide this is just being 'in the middle' of raising little ones and can't imagine having more. But this passes, the child get older and the desire usually comes back to have more but it's too late then. So, so sad.

mommyx12 said...

Oh yes, my husband always says when confronted by, "Why don't you just get fixed." His response, "Why fix something that's clearly not broken."

Feel free NOT to post this comment, I just wanted to share his thoughts!!!!!

Lady Violet said...

Absolutely. In a world where much negativeness abounds, we should be strong and no, not give our own opinions, but show whoever what God's will is. Jesus bids us SHINE.
Stumbled across your web just yesterday.Very encouraging,have been reading it ever since.
Love in Him from believers in Spain.

Baby Blessings said...

That is a touchy topic. I know of many people that have regrets regarding cutting off their fertility. It makes me very sad when I hear of people having surgery or even those that "temporarily" cut it off!

Stacey said...

I can't say that at this point I have the same thought/convictions/beliefs about fertility that you do. I do, however, really appreciate this post, and it is certainly food for thought.

Heather said...

My thoughts on this have changed over the last 5 years...and at this time, I'm struggling with the other side of it...waiting, hoping and praying that there will be more children in our family.
I feel much more strongly recently that each and every child is a miracle from the Lord and each is intended to be in our lives at exactly the time that God has appointed...even if that number is more or less than what we had in our "plans"

Rose said...

This is indeed a loaded topic and I also have my opinions which are not the same as yours - Not every couple is capable of raising a large family (even though they may choose to have many children) and in those situations the children have to pay the price for that, as children, and later as adults. It is obvious to me that you and your husband have the means (financially and otherwise) to have and care for many children. That was not the case for me when I grew up in a large family. As a result, I pass no judgement on couples who choose the number of children they will have. Better to raise fewer children well than many children with needs unmet.